First Gift....

What's of Life....

What's of Life, when you don't have anyone. Yes, you have friends, family, but they can only be there so much for you. They can't complete your life, they can't run it for you. You can only tell them so much, but after the point, you can't anymore. You have no one to confide in, and it feels like your heart wants to explode. You meet people everyday, and you make relationships with some. Some people are just cruel, and some are the best people you will ever meet. You believe you find your self someone, you make an idea that this person is the one. Things are going so well, with ups and downs of course. As nothing is perfect. You find some one with so many similarities, traits, views on life. You learn to confide and mend a close relationship. In reality, you really do not know them. They hide things from you, or will not open up to you, as much as you try to get answers. As much as you want to be an adult and work things out. You can never get to close to anyone. You always have to watch your back, as people are selfish, they do things for themselves. Love is a strong word. Its different every time. Yet, you yourself knows when its the real thing. Does that someone know? Or did they pretend? Did they throw you away just because some thing was not right? No one will ever know, no one will ever understand? You will never know what goes on in their mind, you will never know the truth. All you will feel is loneliness, rejection, and never know why that one person left you.

Shedding a Tear....

There isn't a night that I don't shed a tear,I shed a tear because I'm hurt, alone, confused, and lost. I have never felt like this in my life. I don't understand, what i did wrong? All I wanted was to have a friend and bring back old times. To be able to laugh and joke, and stop this miserable chaos. I wanted to stop shedding a tear. I went to far, and I pushed them away. I failed and fucked up. I pushed and got what i deserved. I don't ask for much, all I ask is to be loved. Shedding a tear relieves my pain of feeling distance and rejection. I will never understand why a person can just be so cruel and just shut you out. I understand frustration and anger, but to a certain point. I understand cutting a person out if they committed a crime. I did neither of those things, so I Shed a tear, because i feel like i am trapped in a cage, screaming to get out!What has come over them? What made them change? I will never understand. I will never understand how once I was a good thing but now I am just a nuisance. I shed a tear because my heart is big, but its shattered into a million pieces. It doesn't matter. Who cares. I'll never be the same again, but my feelings will never go away. Fighting in silence is my strength. Shedding a tear is part of life, especially if I care so very much. I'll always shed a tear if that is what i need to do, to feel some relief of the pain i have inside me. I never meant for any of this to happen, but I let my emotions go, and now I am left all alone...Why couldn't i have been stronger and kept them in? Why was I weak? Why am I still weak? So I will shed my tears...Shed my tears every night, and I know it won't make anything all better again or help me move forward. What I feel will forever stay, so I will shed a tear if its the last thing I do.